A memory of a more innocent time (Nostalgia)

I was watching a movie that reminded  me of my childhood. We idealize our childhoods. I remember that colours appeared much more vivid, sounds were much clearer and food tasted much better. I remember my first pizza. I had heard about pizza on Sesame Street and watched a mouse offer pizza   to a cat (the country mouse visits his city cousin). The pizza looked liked cardboard  although from the description it has pepperoni and cheese on it. I had never eaten pepperoni then but I liked cheese. I saved my money and went  to  the local pizza shop. I bought a ham and bacon pizza with cheese. I loved that pizza it was great.

As a child first time experiences seem to  the best experience we have. I was born in a city where it seemed much greener. There were lots of trees and grass.My first days at school and my most vivid memory was of the little canteen and  the wonderful aromas that exuded from it, hot pies and pastries. It was winter.

Soon after my family moved   to a small country town it was brown and dry and hot. Early morning sun rises made handsome colours around my grandmothers house it was almost magical. I loved playing  in the yard especially in the old garden shed it felt safe and I had solitude. I don’t recall playing with others there it seemed like  I was the only one  who ever went  there.

In the summer the dry heat accentuated the smell of  gum leaves  that had fallen  from  the trees. The old pepper trees did  the same only they seemed liked hide outs in which one could make cubbie houses. We had lots of them at the other end of our lane way, it always seemed cooler there.

There were old trains in the rail yard which was mostly abandoned as  the rail line from there  had been closed  in the early 70’s. Past that was the old gas works, now an abandoned building which we played in I  think it was finally demolished in the mid 1980’s  but the land stood vacant  for many years after. the old rail yard was turned into a shopping center.

The city pool was  the summer hangout I  think I must have had a  thousand crushes (I exaggerate) but  some of my best times were spent there. In a small country town with not a lot of amusement the pool was  the place  to be. Eventually that was demolished as well. All  the memories of love  and first kisses and first crushes bulldozed in a day  or two.

Even though there are so many things I remember much of it is lost through  the passage of time. So many memories of  the things I have  done and experienced now locked away somewhere in my head waiting  for a certain colour, smell or sound  to bring it back  to consciousness. Sometimes a word  or a touch and the past comes back to the present. Never as it really was but only as I can recall.

Locked in my little bubble  so secure unaware of the dangers  of the real world and only then seeing them  form a child’s point of view seeing simple solutions where everyone could be friends. Day dreaming about  the cute girl down the street  that I adored and thinking about her now wondering where she is and what she is  doing. Did she meet  her true love  and have children is she even alive? Love was  so innocent, not complicated just being with her was the most exhilarating feeling. There were no expectations we weren’t going out with each other. There was simply loyalty as children understand it and companionship that was all we understood  and needed.

Sometimes I want  to recapture  those moments, build a time machine and reenter a younger version of myself and take back some of the things I said and did that lost me some of  the greatest loves of my life. But then if I did change time would I be here where I am now? time  could have been more tragic and heart breaking, I would never have learned  the lessons I have  or  come  to  the place where I am and met  the people I now know. I might not even believe as I do.

No I wouldn’t change it,not only because I can’t but because there are things in my life  now  that I want  the way they are.There are people in my life that I love and care  about that are there  for a reason they helped mold me and make me  who I am. Every person and every moment of my life has in some impacted  the world I live in.

We get one life and one existence we make  the best of it or we don’t. There are  no what if’s or maybe’s. Maybe the best is yet  to  come.

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3 Comments

  1. Ahh Memories many we shared, I only wish so many bad didn’t outweigh the good for me, I’m really very happy that you can find joy in yours though old friend

    1. Yeah that crossed my mind as well there were many sad moments for me as well. I also think about the why which is what I closed off this piece with. I admit I wasn’t just writing this just from my point of view. There are a few people that I wrote this in honor of that I admire deeply but feel empathy for with the challenges they have faced in their own lives. I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like for them in their circumstances. But they are beautiful wonderful people

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