To be in love

Just something different and very personal not one but two people from your past pop up and  you are  so conflicted with a  flood of feelings  from the experiences   you had  with them one  you love with all  your heart  one  who has been a lifelong friend whom  you’ve always had a crush on and could have married had  you been  given  the chance.

How does one choose when your loyalties to both are so deep that you could never choose because you could never break the hearts of either one you’ve been with the other has always been unavailable or it was just awkward.

You don’t know how to tell which one loves you or if you’re just a best friend. You don’t want to lose either or hurt either but in the end, you have to choose even if you might not win their heart.

One thing with Asperger’s is you can’t read intention even though you may be a wizard at predicting human nature. As soon as it becomes personal all that instinct suddenly disappears and you’re left helpless not knowing what to do.

You know who you are I love you with all my heart and soul I would marry you in a heartbeat and give my life for you give you my home, my heart and my soul if I  could.

My best friend I love you my heart hurts for all the times you’ve ended up alone and disappointed. I would never let you down or disappoint you I’ve always loved you and wished  I  could have rescued you but sometimes we have to go through those things until we find that person that makes us complete.

Maybe it’s just my protective instinct I can’t stop myself from caring for you both and loving you. God help me.



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